I WANT TO BE LOUD.

It's Time Things Changed.

Ahoy, Substack Readers! This is your captain speaking.

It is I, Xandra the Witch, holding my megaphone, shouting into the aether of the Internet, telling you want I want.

I want to be seen I want to be heard.

THIS IS A SHIFT from when I just wanted to speak.
I just wanted to tell the Truth, even if that meant saying it super quietly,
🤫 or secretly, where I wouldn’t bother people or get in the way or offend. 🤫

I WANT TO BE LOUD.

I am impatient all of a sudden because I know it is TIME.

I have been so careful.

I AM so careful.

I do my best. I challenge myself. I do the work. I show up every day for my art

and sometimes it feels like I’m going no where.

I am not going no where.

But sometimes it feels that way, and when it does, I must ask myself — 

WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE?

Also, when you feel you are going no where, GO FOR A WALK. Take yourself on a literal journey. Cover some ground. There. You have gone somewhere. See? Going somewhere all the time. Ask yourself the big questions on the way, let the elements answer your call.

— — — — —

I have reached a ceiling of effort. I am not making excuses. I am outgrowing current ways.

🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊

WAVES, WAVES, WASH ME AWAY!
CURRENT CURRENT! IT IS TIME TO CHANGE!

🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊

In my History of Showing Up Online, I have blogged in private, I have blogged in public. I bought a domain, I made an Instagram to Promote My Work. I did what people said. I angled for brand sponsorship. I waited to be chosen. A major fashion label stole my work. I learned the hard way, that submitting to the status quo, siding with the oppressor, will never grant me freedom. I found my way I lost my way, it got so dark outside I had to say ENOUGH. I built back up, I made more mistakes, I had to say ENOUGH.

I am lucky. I am a magic child. Very in tune with the Divine. When I honour this, against all odds, I am rewarded. I earn opportunities by accident, simply by being myself. Then, I attempt to reverse engineer the steps: what did I do right? If that’s how far I got without trying, what if I put in the effort? 

I AM PUTTING IN THE EFFORT.
The effort is nurturing my dreams. The effort is showing up for what feels good. 
THE EFFORT DOES NOT FEEL LIKE EFFORT
It is NOT time for more effort.
It is time to acknowledge where I already am, what I already do. 
I can walk for hours and hours and my body may feel it the day after, but in the moment something quite taxing feels effortless.
I write and write and before I know it, it’s thousands of words. If you’re counting. 
All I’m doing is giving space to my thoughts. 
All I’m doing is allowing it to be so. 

Come out come out
Out of your cave.

Go back go back
Retreat to your cave.

The moon waxes
The moon wanes.

I need this retreat, the quiet, the listening. 
It is not hiding. 
‘Showing Up’ looks like doing 5 TikTok in one day
‘Showing Up’ looks like sleeping in til noon.
It depends, it is all true.
These are the seasons of life.

ABOUT THE PAYWALL

The Substack Paywall is a cave entrance. Will you enter the most magical, sacred part of this space? Nod your head in consent, pay your dues, and all will be revealed. 

That is what it is now.
It bolstered me in liberating my boldness, when I needed courage to be candid. 
The paywall used to protect me; now it protects the mysteries I keep.

But now, I am. I stand by my words. It’s not about me. I stand by my dedication to evolving and growing. I am ready to be challenged. Where it is warranted, I will be humble and get better. Where I still disagree, I know how to continue the conversation with valuable information on what to address. I have received so little hate or dissent. This is not a real concern right now, logically. You can’t cancel a Nobody. I look forward to another round of boundary setting where feedback overwhelms me. But right now, I welcome it all in. I feed off it. Especially because I know you, Readers, and you are lovely. 

I want to be seen and I want to take up space.

I want to be seen and I want to take up space.

I want to voice the view you can’t quite put into words, but it is true for you too. I want to say what you’d never thought about, and now you are thinking about it. You are at liberty to disagree with me, and my standing in my truth makes you clearer in what YOU wish to express. We might have different words for the same thing. Ultimately, we all do. Ultimately, it is all Love. 

I want you to write back and tell me what you think. What do you want my opinion on? What do you want to know? What do you want more of? What do you want from ME? 

➨ Tell me.

I want to be paid for my work and I don’t want pay to affect my work in a way that steers me away from myself. I keep circling back circling back to this.

I want people to read this. I want people to find this. I want to be discoverable. 

I AM DISCOVERABLE.

I want you to tell your friends. I want you to quote me and link back to me. I want you to share my posts and rave about what you resonate with. HELP ME SPREAD THE WORD. Interview me. On your blog or podcast or YouTube channel. I will talk about being an artist and a witch and a human on the Internet, preserving my sense of self, ever-blossoming in new layers of authentic self-expression. I am a priestess. I will bless your home, your love, your union, your new rollercoaster at your theme park. Hire me to sing at your wedding, your birthday, your ceremonial passage of time, your Hard Rock Cafe. 

I refuse to fall into the format for artistic success because that blueprint is not only broken, it is meaningless.

I will not be measured by arbitrary accolades or achievements. But I will receive them.  I will write and I will sing. And I will be heard, because now, I want to be. My friends and mentors and greatest supporters (My Mom 🥰) have been saying it for years:

Your work is good.

Your art is good.

You need more! People! To! See! It!

!

I have doubted visibility for visibility’s sake. I do not define my success in likes and follower counts. I will not buy fake followers to hit that metric. I don’t care how it looks. I care how it IS. WHAT IS THE TRUTH? I am pure of heart in my quest for fame. This is not to say I am perfect, but I do my best. I care. I do my best, and sometimes I risk looking bad. But I ask you know, for it is time:

Will you
Let me be
Your star?

X