Depression Day Routine
Evidence against my brain's allegations that i do nothing [week 23 of publishing every friday in 2026]
At the weekend I was completely wiped out with an enormity of feeling nothing and everything at once. Out of self-preservation - and years of experience - I started to make a list. I wrote down every fraction of a step I took towards nourishment, gathered evidence to use against myself later, during inevitable despair over doing nothing.
It started as a list for this simple evidentiary purpose, but a ways into the morning I realised this is also a list to share. This time. Not every time. But this time. Is that toxic? As the day went on, a common theme emerged. Connecting to others diffuses the feelings into meaning.
So no silent desperation1 for me! My despair shall be seen and heard!
Depression Day Routine
Delete IG from phone
Brush teeth
Miso soup
Watch fun rollercoaster vid
Get dressed (take time to make sure outfit feels good)
Coffee
Write (slowly)
Plan the week
Receive signs like Castles Crumbling playing and a (literal) sign saying “Thank you for being you”
Buy flowers myself2
Arrange flowers
Clean incense off shelf (not vinyl shelf3)
Start laundry
“Correspondences” - getting back to friends to book stuff
Also let them know I’m feeling stormy
One of my friends if feeling similarly + now I feel less alone + am glad I let them know
Pay energy bill
Enjoy inbox zero
lunch
Donkey Kong
Realise when I get misgendered as “this lady” I can hear it as “this laddie”
nap
Snack + YouTube
Fresh up + set up to record
Dust keyboard/clean screen
Record for Middle Earth Magic because the show must go on
Glad to talk to friend! Maybe my ‘brush with death’ was hobbit-related. Damn Frodo again!
Epilogue
It was not just one friend who was also feeling this way, but 4/5 friends I reached out to. 80%! So, on the off chance that you can relate, I hope this brings you solace.
I felt much better after recording with my friend. But the next day was worse. I finally felt better at night when I finally let honey help. Monday I was back on my feet, and while the week has been tender, I have been recovering and talking to friends, and enjoying the slower pace that has been inflicted upon me by my brain’s insistence.
❤️ Xandra
the witch 🪄
🌊 Current Offerings 🌊
🌈 XANDRA’S FUN CLUB IS COMING SOON 🌈
On a brighter note, XANDRA’S FUN CLUB is coming soon. hahaha. Who am I to captain a club devoted to Fun? I will tell you the truth. I have a hard time having fun. In a deep existential persisting way. This is why I teach it. because I must keep learning it for myself, deeper and deeper. I have had to study its art VERY SERIOUSLY over many years. I have received confirmation, over and over, that fun is important. That’s all I’ll say about my Fun Club for now, but if you’re interested, make sure you’re subscribed. It’s all happening here on Substack.
🎨 SAVE THE DATE: 8/8 XCELERATE 🎨
The 8/8 Lion’s Gate Portal approaches, and Aysha Rose and I are preparing a super-charged magic event for you! On 8-9 August, you’re invited to an e-retreat for artists to boost your projects and soul quests into action. More info coming soon. For now…. —>Register your interest here! <—
🌲 MIDDLE EARTH MAGIC IS UNDERWAY. 🌲
We are reading LOTR for fun. Let this be your refuge from the heaviness of the world. Guaranteed Ring to Mordor. Join our fellowship of friendship! (It’s all right here on this Substack)
this is the talk that brought me back to life:
🌹 THE ART LIFE IS AFTERCARE 🌹
On The Art Life podcast, Grace Gordon and I explore the lifestyle and process of being an artist. Our June episode is here:
Walden by Henry David Thoreau
Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
Maroon by Taylor Swift
So thankful for this share, feeling a deep resonance as a “make a list to unravel the pattern” person. This helps me have a framework when my depresso days hit!
Also, the reframe of “laddie” vs “lady” but also BOO misgendering 🥲